Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
