She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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