He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
