i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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