What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
