I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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