I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
