Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
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I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
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The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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