I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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