Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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