omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
