I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
