turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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