Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he fucked my hip out of place.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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