we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
