Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Screwed.edu
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
