We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
