$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
