i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize