i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
