i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
