So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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