I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
