Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize