4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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