Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
