I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
