Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We had sex on a dog bed..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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