i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
