her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
