somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
