i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
