So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A+ Viking dick
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize