And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
