I'm gonna have a badass scar
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's blow job season.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
