i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
