My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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