Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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