mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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