hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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