Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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