you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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