thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She announced her abortion via fbk
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
