Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
