She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
