Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
