I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
