I love black thongs
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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