Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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