he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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