He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
