I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
