vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
