i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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