you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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