based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
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don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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