Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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