Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this beer tastes like vomit already
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
FUCK WHALES
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
