Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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