She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
