Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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