I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
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There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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