I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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