My nipple is on Facebook.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
