Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
