I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize