The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
