she smelled like a LAN party
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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