There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
