Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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