Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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