Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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