I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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