It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
